This is me as a young man… dressed up as a young woman.
Thanks mom.
So… it’s been a month since my last post… and I’m still not done with the YA thing that no one cares about. I know, I suck. This is partly because my computer is broken (I am typing this in the upper third of my screen, which is the only part that seems to be working, and this makes me feel as stressed out as a kid standing on his tip-toes to look out a window) partly because my grandfather died, and mostly because I’m having the whole existential “this story really sucks” type of writer’s block.
Anyhow, as a form of self-punishment for my lameness, I am going to post some things I wrote from long ago for you to read and belittle. This should motivate me to work harder so I can stop metaphorically punching myself in the face. See? It’s fair because everyone loses.
So, this first bit is the prologue to the giant fantasy epic I’ve been trying to write since I was old enough to use words. I haven’t pushed up my sleeves and worked on it since high school, so if there are more adverbs than strictly necessary blame it on that. Get it? Strictly? Ahem…. moving on. If you want to read any of these and formatting is an issue please send me an e-mail and I’ll see what I can do for you.
I have about ten thousand pages of notes I could post with this (well, probably only a thousand that are on the computer) but as I’m sure none of you want to know about super modern septic systems, pharmaceutical manufacture, the food distribution system on the Algn continent, or how the genetic degradation of Oaz is the basis for the life-cycle of the Brishatt I think we’ll just post the prologue and a few supplementary bits.
The glossary is actually pretty fun and I added a bit about their “demons” that a lot of people find entertaining.
These are some fun little tid-bits I wrote as if I were a scholar of the world on which the story takes place. Remember, I was seventeen guys. Be forgiving. I couldn’t masturbate all the time.
verdwha-eld-coumre-kabroll-shithi.doc
And now some pictures. I have hundreds upon hundreds more of these. However, I only spent one day scanning these when I was a senior in high school and Mr. Goings wasn’t paying attention to me in Economics… so the pickings are a bit slim. Go look in my dad’s basement if you want to see more.
Also, what else is new? Ah yes!
WhoreOnHold has a new writer named Beatrix. I, like many of you, miss Charlotte (and I still keep in touch with her) but let’s do our best to welcome the new writer, eh? She’s stepping into some pretty big shoes and that can be very intimidating.
My computer should be fixed in a matter of weeks so then I won’t have any real excuse not to update anymore, although I’m sure I will be able to find many. I’ve also lost ten pounds through exercise on a Wii Fit. I highly recommend that product to anyone, because you’re so busy trying to out-compete yourself you don’t even realize you’re doing work.
Lastly, I spent about two hours in five different bookstores (fact: I once walked fourteen miles and almost broke my hip trying to buy “Superman Returns” on DVD) yesterday trying to find Brandon Sanderson’s “The Hero of Ages” which is the final installment of the “Mistborn Trilogy.” I have found, much to my anguish that I will not be able to lay hands upon it until Friday. You have no idea how much this irks me… because I’m jonesing for some fantastical resolution over here people.
I need food, water, shelter, and magical realism to get through my life. So if you have read the book and want to e-mail me a synopsis of what happens please do. And don’t go high and mighty on me about “oh spoilers ruin the whole book! You’re supposed to be a connoisseur! You’re ruining the whole experience!” I’d just like to say with all the passion of a drunk man at a bar at three in the morning “I’ll tell you when I’ve had enough!”
And if you caution me that my eyes are too strained from reading to drive, I’ll tell you to shove a book up your ass.
Seriously, someone needs to tell me how Hemalurgy works or I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight.
