Now that my genius phrase “Hippopotamusses doesn’t hurt anyone” has failed to go meme and make me rich, it’s time for me to do my weekly wrap up. Using funds generously donated by you, the reader, I have purchased a “Bag of Holding” in which I will presumably hold many things while walking to and from the library. Also, I have started my new job this week and since I just got a paycheck, I have disabled the Donation thingy.
Well… not really disabled. I’m sure you could hypothetically figure out a way to send me money if you wanted, I just don’t really need it anymore. Plus, after I save up I’m getting a computer and a bunch of stuff together to create stuff to “sell” you. Sell in the sense that you could buy a CD from me of stuff you’ll be able to download here anyway.
I have left it up, since it has many jokes in it, and also the Contributors thing is going to be there forever. I will add the editors/illustrators thing to the Contributors tab when I don’t have librarians breathing over my shoulder. (I have temporarily stolen someone’s computer, which is why I can post this late at night) ALSO, speaking of librarians, I got locked out of my house the other day and had to kill some time at the library in a tank top. Unfortunately, I believe my nipple may have popped out as the librarians started laughing at someone. Whilst I was in the heat of composition. It completely killed my mood.
And I was just beginning to like those women.
I already have a decent idea of what I’m going to get for my new “office” but since many regular heads are better than one strangely ogre shaped head, I thought I’d ask for recommendations on the following items:
A. Desktop computer
It’s way too hot where I live in the summers to use laptops. Plus, they burn my balls.
B. A printer
So while I am speaking into a microphone, I may have the benefit of a script.
C. Ergonomic chair
So that while I sit I may not have the sensation of being clumsily sodomized by imitation leather.
D. Ergonomic desk
So my hands don’t fall off at the wrists as I already know what kind of keyboard I want.
As for the desk, I want people to look at me pounding away on the keyboard and say “Wow, that guy is clearly compensating for something.” Or more bluntly “That desk is so big, you know that guy’s penis is really small.” Maybe even “Hey you tiny dicked motherfucker, you feel important back there?”
Given the current rate I’m able to put away money for myself, I should be able to afford these items at my guesstimated budget in about three months. Probably three and a half since I’m going to go get the kids some school clothes very shortly.
My little sister is going to junior high, and I feel like I need to throw up and pass out. I would kill myself, but it may be necessary for me to kill some pubescent boy in the next few years so I have to stick around.
Ugh… way too grown up.
As for the story vote….
I’M WRITING A FANTASY STORY FOR NEXT WEEK! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
OH GOD DID YOU SEE YOUR FACE? YOU WERE ALL LIKE “OH YAY, I GET TO VOTE!”
THEN I WAS LIKE “OH NO YOU DON’T CUZ I GOTS A STORY WHAT NEEDS TELLIN!”
Clearly, I am a douche.
