Awhile ago, I was thinking that you could get away with just about anything if you said it in the right way. Of course, this inevitably led me to consider just how far this principle could be stretched. For example, if you proposed anal sex to someone in the manner of an eighteenth century English aristocrat, would you seem charming?
Dirty Talk: Hey baby, how about some anal?
Fancy Talk: Madame, it cannot be helped but that when one gazes upon the divine spheres of your posterior, that one is filled with the same thoughts that damned the city of Lot. That these spheres be not used for the end to which providence has so meticulously designed them is abhorrent to the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God. Madame, I propose we rectify this contradiction at once!
Dirty Talk: Come on honey, let’s have a threesome!
Fancy Talk: When endeavoring to put name to that emotion which binds our union we must surely discover and settle upon no lesser word than that of “agape.” For only that ancient word of the wise Greeks, for a love which transcends flesh can put name to that heavenly venture for which mere English will not suffice. Let us then make not a beast with two backs, as was put forth so crassly by Mr. Shakespeare, but let us instead venture to create a new beast of several backs whose polygonal shape shall have but one male side. I beg you, my love, as no such venture should ever besmirch the celestial perfection of our bond.
Dirty Talk: Listen whore, I was talking to some of my friends and we all want to jack off on your face. I think it’s called Bukkake.
Fancy Talk: That the seed of man is alive and the source of all life has been known since Van Leeuwenhoek first crafted a glass clever enough to observe its mysterious motions. Permit me darling, and all men within the sound of my voice, to shower you with this seed that such animistic forces as it contains may adorn your bodice like the finest jewels!
FOCUS: Please feel free to leave your own Fancy Talk/Dirty Talk translations in the comments.
