As you all know, I am a genius. And not the regular kind of “I think I’m going to dedicate my life to a particular area of knowledge, and use that for the betterment of mankind” kind of genius or the other kind that starts a sentence with “And.”
Nay!
I am the kind of weird genius who, upon realizing that he has a $300 surplus in his budget says:
You know what? I bet I could buy twenty machetes with that money and send them to twenty of my female readers.
I ask you, has there ever been a more profound idea to come out of a simple act of division?
Using her Asiatic ability to be prepared very, very quickly PRELAPSARIA has already sent her photo-essay documenting her wonderful encounter with her new machete.
Also, if any of you say anything bad about her in the comments, I will descend up on you like the hammer of a vengeful god… in the form of deleting your comment….
I kind of blew my travel budget for in-person vengeance.
But seriously, play nice.
You know who chooses to have beige walls? Geniuses. Geniuses choose beige. It’s a fact. Look at that dog being insecure as fuck next to Prelapsaria’s new machete.
Here we can see that Prelapsaria only uses tables that are one and a half machetes wide.
You know what kind of man takes a machete OUT of South Africa? A great man. Also, I thought they were made in America, and I now feel a little bit weird about this.
True fact: I once bought a sword that said “INDIA” on it in giant letters. Let’s make a new law: People who make swords and knives and shit: STOP PUTTING GIANT FUCKING LABELS ON YOUR OTHERWISE AWESOME PRODUCT.
If you do that, I will agree to not use two colons in sequence.
Women who secretly loved the BSG liveblog have never been so scandalous.
Quentin Tarantino, behold your goddess.
But seriously, the fact that we’re only seeing one side of this machete would indicate to me that the fucking sticker on this blade is of the variety that HAS BEEN WELDED TO THE METAL ITSELF. I hate you sword labeling division! I fucking HATE you!
Jack: Hey Paul! Come check out this indiscreet, easily removed tag I put on our new product?
Paul: OMG! Are you new? A sword label is supposed to photographicallyRUIN half the blade!
Also, attractive girl is attractive.
AND she went to the same school as me, so you know she’s smart.
World, behold your new meme.
