Stardate: 4/04/08
Time: 6:52PM (Mountain Time)
Certain events deserve to be recorded as they occur, so that future generations are able to comprehend the full impact they have on the present moment. It is only through such accounts that historians are able to decipher how epic moments dwindle down and change the mundane ways in which we go about our lives. Such moments include the Attack on Pearl Harbor, September the 11th, the Iraq War, the apocalyptic marriage of my sister, and yes… the fourth season premiere of Battlestar Galactica.
I doubt I will be unable to do full justice to the enormity of this moment, but hopefully my voice will be one of many that future generations can use to create an average profile. Finally, I would like to say that history is important for two reasons. One being so that we can learn from the mistakes of the past, the other being “That all this has happened before, and all of this will happen again.”
In approximately one hour, prepare to be bombarded with a level of geekdom previously imaginable only by the One True God of the Cylon.
Time: 7:09PM
Right now I’m sitting on the couch, prepping for the glory that’s about to come through the television set. Let me explain the fashion in which I watch Science Fiction Movies.
About a year and a half ago I purchased the Sci-Fi channel Dune Miniseries, some six hours of screen time. My cousin Anthony came to visit me, asked what I was watching, and when I told him I still had four hours to go he expressed shock that I could stay still so long.
“Don’t you get bored?”
“Do you get bored watching the Super Bowl?”
“No.”
“Well that’s how I feel about Frank Herbert’s Dune.”
Anthony tried to respond to this, but at that moment Duke Leto Atreides bit down on a poisoned tablet in an attempt to kill the Baron Harkonnen, and I was forced to shout at the television for the next few minutes. “Jesus Christ! Fuck, I never stop hoping he’ll kill that floating fat red-headed asshole. His Suk doctor betrayed him. I mean Jesus, is it really a wonder he never saw it coming? I mean a fucking Suk Doctor!”
Shocked, he again tried to respond, but at that moment Paul Atreides, future Muad’Dib and Emperor, was driving a thopter into a sandstorm, so I was compelled to dance around the room pretending to be the sandworm Shai Halud.
So people, let me warn you, men may turn away in disgust so quickly their necks snap, and women may dehydrate to the point of death due to vaginal desiccation, but I will not stop. Do you hear me? This will be seen through to the end. Just as surely as Samwise and Frodo never turned back on their quest to throw the One Ring of Power into Mount Doom.
Time: 7:26PM
Last season’s finale is on. Lee Adama is giving his speech about why Gaius Baltar is not guilty of treason. This speech is so moving that even I was in agreement that Baltar should be freed, and let me tell you something, no one is a more staunch Adam/Roslin supporter than I am. That’s how good this speech is.
Time 7:29PM
Does anyone know who played the lead judge in this episode? The female captain with the scar on her face? Maybe it’s just me, but she’s pretty damn hot.
Time 7:32PM
This was the fastest image of her I could find
She’s on the far left. Grrrrrr.
Time 7:42PM
You know, Laura Roslin ain’t that bad either.
Time 7:44PM
Commercial. Since this is a sci-fi/fantasy piece, I just thought I’d drop another recommendation for a sci-fi/fantasy writer. I know I poked fun at him a while back, but Brandon Sanderson is one of the best Fantasy writers I’ve read in a long time. I’ve read all his published work, other than his young adult series, but I especially loved “Elantris.” You all should go buy it and geek out with me.
Time 7:51PM
Tigh, Tyrol, Anders, and Foster just found out they were cylons. Blows my mind every time. Also, is at all odd that I like John McCain more every time I see Saul Tigh, because they look so much alike?
Coincidence? I think not. Even the eye matches.
Time 7:56PM
Starbuck is back. I can’t wait to find out what this all means in another four minutes.
Time 7:58PM
I just realized that I’m probably going to die alone. Damn. Stings every time. Just like every time I see Saul Tigh poisoning his own wife.
Time 8:00PM
Prepare for Glory!
Time 8:01PM
I don’t know if I’m emotionally or creatively prepared for this.
Time 8:02PM
If Starbuck is actually physically alive, I think I’m going to have an orgasm. Which, I think we can all agree, as an overweight man, is kind of gross.
Time 8:03PM
Holy shit! She is! She’s physically fucking alive!
Time 8:03PM
I’ve got to go change my pants.
Time 8:04PM
Okay, they just made it look like Tigh shot Adama, but it turns out it was just a dream sequence. Which is good, because I almost had a heart attack, and I don’t want to die this way (see above).
Time 8:05PM
What’s the name of that lady that’s in Baltar’s cult? The one who played the scientist in Jake 2.0? Because she ain’t bad either.
Time 8:07PM
Anders is freaking out about being a cylon while actually having to engage in combat with cylons. Talk about a mind job. SHIT! One of those big ring twirling ships was blown up. The ones that could actually have something like artificial gravity because of the centripetal force. I loved those things.
Time 8:08PM
The Cylon base ships are leaving because Anders eye turned red. Like Saul Tigh, I have no idea why this is happening.
Time 8:10PM
Am I the only one who finds it strange that the “ceremonial Battlestar Galactica music” is obviously Celtic? Yes, because when I look at Edward James Olmos, I think Celtic. If they don’t edit the intro music to Ranchero I’m going to call racism.
Time 8:13PM
I think Baltar is going to get laid again. Ugh, the part where he’s a world famous scientist who is able to get laid at the drop of a hat, is the most fictional part of this whole show.
Time 8:15PM
All female cult, with a Baltar shine. Yeah, I predict 30 minutes before he gets laid.
Time 8:16PM
Tigh thinks Starbuck’s a cylon. And he’s conspiring against her. Fucking hypocrite.
Time 8:17PM
Starbuck thinks she’s only been gone for six hours. She’s being sent to sick bay for a battery of cylon tests.
Time 8:19PM
Whose side is the head Six on? Let’s bump up the Baltar gets laid clock. Some weird goth chick is caressing him in his weird sex cult. Yeah, intellectual getting laid, most made up fact of this whole series. On the upside he’s introduced monotheism to the humans.
Time 8:21PM
Baltar gets laid.
Time 8:22PM
Starbuck’s getting the heat from Roslin about where she’s been, but is apparently not a cylon. How come these people don’t believe in magic yet? I mean, they did all go into the temple on Kobol and see the same thing. Unless someone hid some holographic projectors in those old statues, there is something going on.
Time 8:24PM
Roslin is being a suspicious bitch because she’s no longer the sole source of religious dispensationalism. She didn’t say that was the reason, but I think it is.
Time 8:26PM
I feel it’s been a while since I’ve uploaded an image, and it’s a commercial.
Not that this has anything to do with anything, but John Hodgman is one of the only things equally as amazing as Battlestar Galactica.
Time 8:28PM
The lady from Jake 2.0 just laid her sick baby on Baltar and the chick he was boning. How gross. Your child is dying and you bring him out of a hospital and lay him on some bed that two people were just having occult sex on. Yeah, that’s a big help lady. Thanks. Fuck, don’t they have a CPS on the Galactica?
Apologies to John Hodgman for being near that rant.
Time 8:30PM
Roslin is talking to Caprica six. It looks like they’re going to talk about the Final Five. Apparently cylons are programmed not to think about them, but are able to feel/sense them.
Time 8:33PM
Kara can feel Earth, and apparently Roslin’s bitchiness is taking them away from Earth. Adama’s arguing with her about her “feelings.” Well how about when Roslin was having “feelings” and took you to the temple on Kobol? Yeah, someone else is being a fucking hypocrite. If you believe in miracles, you can’t just disregard someone else’s miracles out of hand.
Time 8:36PM
I only have time to search for images during the commercials, so they’re not related to anything in the show.
That being said, here is my favorite statue.
Time 8:38PM
Also, if you are not watching BSG right now, I want you to know that John Hodgman has threatened you.
Now, my friends, how bizarre is that?
Time 8:40PM
Is Adama finally boning Roslin? Apparently she’s staying in his quarters. Thank God. I’ve been rooting for them since last season. And this is one of many reasons I will probably die alone.
Time 8:42PM
I know this kid in the Baltar cult is only imaginary, but will some writer please intervene and get him healthy and send him to a normal family?
Time 8:45PM
Baltar shaved off his beard, and may or may not have gotten laid again. Whenever someone gets in a funk in this show, they grow facial hair. Then, when they get over it, they shave. Weird. One of the writers must have been abused by a lumberjack or something.
8:48PM
In the interest of it being a commercial, and a reference having been made to lumberjacks, here is a picture of me in a plaid shirt, demonstrating safe chainsaw techniques.
Also, is there going to be a new Doctor Who spin-off? I’m excited.
Time 8:50PM
That guy with the son named Kevin is going to kill Baltar. He’s the same guy who shoved that guy out of the air lock in episode three of season three. That little dead kid sure has a lot of blood on his hands.
Time 8:52PM
The kid who was dying in the sex cult room is now awake. Great. Now where’s the other half of my wish? Because otherwise, if this kid grows up in that environment, he’s never going to be able to fully commit to a woman no matter how much therapy he has. Oh, and all the women think Baltar is God. I think he may be buying into it a little bit too.
Time 8:53PM
Starbuck’s having an identity crisis. Which is playing off Ander’s identity crisis. Don’t worry Kara, I still believe in you. Even if do go crazy later on (which as I just typed that, apparently happened) I still believe in you.
Time 8:56PM
Oh shit.
Time 8:56PM Later
Is Kara going to shoot Roslin? Jesus. To be continued? DAMN IT!
Time 8:57PM
Can everyone please digg this?
Time 8:59PM
I just saw the preview for next week. I don’t know if Roslin is going to die or not, but there is going to be some violence on the Base Stars apparently. Also, Kara is losing it.
Seriously people, stupid attempts at humor aside, you should watch this program. It’s amazingly well-written, acted, and executed. Not only is it the best sci-fi series ever produced, it’s one of the best dramas ever produced. You should watch it.
