DJ
DJ lives in Poland right now, even though he is from Texas. Everyone agrees this is pretty depressing. DJ also loves me so much that any woman he marries will always feel like she comes second in his life. When I announced that I was going to make a Contributors page DJ began to wail about how he didn’t have any money so he quickly drew me a Giant Sentient Human Penis. I have realized that it may be inappropriate for DJ to be next to the other Illustrators.
Which is why I recently named him “The Warden of Stories” which means whenever someone asks for a link to a story DJ gets to answer if I am feeling lazy and/or am too busy. As it is well established that DJ knows more about my life than I do he is more than equal to this task.
Also, DJ wants to be a writer. I do now know why he enjoys someone else who also wants to be a writer… but I appreciate his readership. You can find his stories here.
JESSICA
Jessica’s mother is the wise Sea Hag* of Aragnor and her father was an adventurous musketeer of ill repute. When her father shot her mother in the womb, the bullet quickened the Sea Hag’s egg and Jessica’a evil twin was born.
For years the Lead Sea Hag Acissej terrorized the folk of small New England villages until one day a gypsy held a magic mirror in front her, from which her good twin Jessica sprung. Jessica then slew Acissej and ate her throat.
Why? Because that’s just fucking gross.
I have decided that Jessica is to be my Wardeness of Stories. Fun times, no?
*Jessica’s mother was also elected Chair of the Sea Hag Union in 1836 and presided over a period of time which saw the biggest increase in the living wages of Sea Hags in living memory.
