This Week in Nerdery
Monday:
This week finds me with all the wealth, precious artifacts, and women that come with having the number one Battlestar Galactica liveblog on google. In other words, I am financially destitute, hopelessly single, and the only object I own of any value is the laptop on which I liveblog Battlestar Galactica every Friday.
Also, while trying to finish Gray Bolt this week my little brother got horribly, horribly sick and I had to leave writing to take care of him. I would have pressed on had I not been convinced that finishing the book might have somehow actually killed him. Given that he is only nine years old, I felt I should back off a bit and give him a chance at life.
Wednesday:
I saw a picture of Warren Buffet and had a long detailed fantasy that he uses his eyebrows to turn the pages of newspapers and file reports. This made a queer sort of sense as I’m sure he has to push a lot of paper across his desk and I don’t believe he owns a computer.
Have you seen the caterpillars on that man’s face? Jesus H. Christ. I know he’s the richest man in the world but… Holy Shit. Just look at his eyebrows. My fucking God.
Friday:
I’ve lost a crap load of weight recently from being poor, which I noticed when my pants started to fall down when I went on my morning walk. I had to put my hands in my pockets, make fists to hold up the material, and then turn around and walk back home so I could find a belt. I don’t seem to suffer from the same kinds of food addiction that other people have, so I’m more or less still even-keeled despite this, but damn do I need a job.
I may try to offer some on-line tutorting, and put up a donation button… or something like that. I’d really rather not put up a donation button because it makes me feel kind of sleazy. Anyway, we’ll see what happens with all my crappy applications.
So if you’ve sent me an e-mail or something like that in the past couple of days that’s why I haven’t answered. Meat Space has a lot of complications lately so I must take care of those before other things.
Fantastically Fantastic Recommendations:
I really enjoyed the short story Eros, Philia, Agape by Rachel Swirsky on Tor’s website this week. It’s a robot story with some good human feelings in it, and goddamn if I don’t enjoy that kind of yarn. So zip on over there and let your eyeballs look over that. I may be a barely human sociopathic monster, but I know a good story when I see one.
As I sat by my brother’s sick bed this week, I also enjoyed “The Ascent of Man” which is a documentary series about the history of human civilization. It’s completely fascinating, informative, and gripping and has the occasional drop of casual 1970′s style racism that make you go “Huh?” and then laugh your ass off about how much times have changed. At one point the narrator literally uses the phrase “dark Muslim faces staring with envy” in regards to early Arabic tribes being jealous of the advances being made by other cultures. It’s sentences like that, appearing only 30 years ago in a BBC documentary, that really make you appreciate the election of Barack Obama.
I’ve also found this week that remaining calm and having a good sense of humor are really working out. I highly recommend it to anyone getting power fucked by the economy, at present. If the only things you have left are your feelings, you might as well make the most of them.
BEGIN LIVEBLOG
Pre-Show Deep Thought: There better be no goddamn deus ex machina miracle at the end of this show. Also, I swore a lot in this liveblog. My apologies. Also, someone should hire me to liveblog. I’ll do that shit for cheap.
8:00pm~
Flashbacks to introduce the episode. Reintroducing Kara as someone who confuses all of us instead of a scrappy fighter pilot. Cylons are talking about linking Anders to the data stream. Also, as we all know, Boomer stole Helo’s child because she is an evil witch. An evil evil witch who must die a horrible death surely. At least we may hope.
Now we’re with Hera who has hair like Charles Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie. She’s playing with toy ships and looking very mysterious. I guess the resin won’t bond with the Galactica but it is making the Galactica smell like shit. The whole place is really falling apart. Now we’re with the Fleet Five and they’re telling Lee about the colony. Everyone is surprised.
~8:02pm
Lee is angry that Tigh wants to jump to the Cylon colony and risk death. Kara says that Hera may be the only hope of the Fleet as well. Starbuck is telling Adama about the song that Hera wrote. So does Hera know who her father is now? Now we’re all talking destiny and such. Kara says Hera is the key.
Adama doesn’t seem to be buying the destiny bullshit. Adama says he’s had it “up to here” with all the mystical bullshit. Half of the people are dead, Adama is worried about mutiny, and he’s drinking because life is bullshit and why not. Tigh is requesting at least a recon bird. Will Adama give it to him? Everyone is staring. He’s sending out a heavy raider instead so Helo and Athena don’t find out.
~8:04pm
Helo is telling Athena to look at him. I guess she’s got to be pretty pissed off. Helo wants to know if she hates him. Now he’s telling her to say it. Helo is the perfect dude, and I wish not only that he was my best friend but that I was capable of having best friends. Now Roslin is having visions about Hera. And so is Athena? Six is having visions again too.
Adama is by Roslin’s bedside in the sickbay. Caprica Six is there as well. Part of the Galactica just buckled and some people are getting sucked out into space. A lot of thema re wearing jump suits. How terrifying. ANd how much atmosphere can the Galactica really lose? A Six just saved a guy who was being racist against Cylons, but I think she’s going to die now. Yeah, she’s dead. She told them to lock the door and sacrifice her. She was just sucked out into space. Fuck I would hate to die like that.
~8:07pm
We’re now at the opening bumper and first commercial break.
Wow, in all the flashes of upcoming scenes I just saw something that looked like a giant bird with red eyes. Which reminds me, if I had the giant flying Dog Beaver creature from Avatar the Last Air Bender I would fly it to aeronautics schools land it then shout “HEY BITCHES! I HAVE A FUCKING GIANT DOG BEAVER WITH NO WINGS AND IT CAN FLY! WHAT NOW, MOTHERFUCKERS? WHAT NOW?”
Then I would mount my giant Dog Beaver creature from Avatar the Last Air Bender and soar off into the sunset.
Also, is there any doubt at this point that the Cylon Colony is going to become the new home of the Fleet and the Cylons and that together they will create a new species? Now we just have to figure out how many people are going to go out with the Galactica when she dies. I’m thinking they lose all technology taking out Cavil. Like maybe Adama kamikazes the Galactica to wipe out all the circuits aboard all the spaceships in a big EM explosion. That’d teach Cavil alright.
There is a Pure Sleep commercial on right now. I swear to God this product exists only to taunt me. WHO BOUGHT THIS? ONE PERSON? IF YOU BOUGHT THIS I WANT TO KNOW! I WANT YOU TO LEAVE A LONG FUCKING COMMENT ABOUT HOW THIS WAS SO RELEVANT TO YOUR FUCKING LIFE THAT YOU JUST HAD TO BUY IT!
God damn it.
~8:11pm
Kottle said 61 people are dead or missing including 26 Cylons. There are maybe six jumps left in the entire Galactica. Tigh just yelled at some guy who saw a bunch of people die. Roslin is looking sad, and why not? The Cylons want Adama to transfer his flag tot he Base Ship. Roslin is having very intese visions of Hera where she has nice hair. Not Hera. Nothing could fix that mop. But Roslin has nice hair in the visions.
Lee is trying to sell the idea of the Base Ship defending the Fleet to the New Quorum. The Cylons accept Adama’s military authority in exchange for a seat on the Quorum. The Quorum is already dividing up all the equipment on the Galactica. Lee is yelling at everyone for trying to take apart the Galactica before it’s dead.
~8:14pm
Baltar apparently has some kind of authority now. He’s talking about angels, with obvious references to Head Six. Starbuck is listening to his sermon while smoking. He’s calling Head Six an angel and looking at her. His sex cult is handing things out apparently. Baltar apparently recognized Caprica Six in his sex cult. He says it’s good to see her and he’s sorry about her losing her baby. It’s very confusing with all these doubles. Is she also the Cylon representative on the council.
Gaius tried to get her to join his harem. She said no. Baltar says his people are trying to make a difference within the Fleet. Six said Baltar hasn’t changed but she has. I was hoping they would change together. I was rooting for these two evil fucks.
Some ships were looking at the big ass hole in the side of the Galactica.
~8:16pm
Roslin wants to talk to Tigh as she is dying. Nevermind. It’s an Eight. She wants to thank him for the privelge of getting to meet her father before she dies. Tigh is being kind of an asshole so she’s quoting lines from that effing song. So she flatlined and now Tigh is doing that awesome thing he does with his eyes.
Hera is crying for her mommy. So Boomer is yelling at her and HOLY SHIT IS THAT JUPITER? Yeah, that’s Jupiter. Hera wants her mommy so now Boomer is going to fill her full of sedatives. Oh Boomer I fucking hate your soul. Can’t hold a kid? Nope. Wait. Now she’s not injecting her. Of course, because Boomer is the ultimate flip flopper.
~8:19pm
Commercial
So, unless I am mixed up on my astronomy (and I don’t believe I am) Hera just jumped into a Solar System with a Jovian Planet that looks a LOT like Jupiter even down to the storm that looks like a big red eye. Is there another planet that looks exactly like Earth? Did the Cylons make it look like Earth? How the fuck is Adama going to do all the shit he has to do to take out all the Cavil Cylons so that his people don’t get picked off one by one once they get to the surface? Does he lead the tin cans into a rebellion? It would be very ironic if Cavil was killed for being abusive to the very creations he was pretending to seek “vengeance for.”
Which leads me to my next point, as all the spoilers I’ve seen from Caprica seem to imply that the Tin Cans have human consciousnesses that were transferred into them from Daniel Graystone’s daughter (Daniel Graystone built them.)
~8:21pm
Ellen is mad at Tight for not doing more to save Hera. Saul is telling Ellen that HIS people are the humans on the Galactica. Now she’s calling him a pip? What the fuck? Who calls someone a pip? Tigh says 2000 years is just a number and that Adama’s friendship is… FRAK! Because it’s so awesome.
Music is playing and Ellen is talking about how the Fleet Five wanted to end the Cycle of War between man and machine. Ellen says they have a chance with Hera to end the battle. Tigh says he had a child and that he died so who gives a fuck about mop head? Ellen says he’s wrong and that he has millions of children? Okay, the humans are seriously outnumbered.
~8:23pm
The Galactica looks like real shit.
Boomer is trying to get Hera to eat something. Now Boomer will probably eat it just to prove she can’t have a conviction. Boomer says that sometimes when she’s sad she goes to her “happy place” where she wanted to live with Tyrol. So she loves Tyrol, just not enough to totally betray him. Boomer has pulled Hera into the projection. I wonder if Hera is going to show Boomer a projection next.
~8:25pm
Starbuck is watching Baltar shave. She’s looking very agressive and ape-like for some reason. Like she’s just ready to get up and break Baltar’s jaw and rip off his penis. That’s how ape’s attack. Starbuck is talking to Baltar about angels now. She wants to know if Baltar has seen the angels. Head Six is smiling at him. Oh please answer questions about the Head Cylons. Hahaha. Starbuck took a piss while she was talking to Baltar.
Starbuck is telling Baltar she is dead. She’s giving him the whole story about how she found her body. She wants Baltar to run some tests on the tags she found on her body. She says she’s not an angel so she neds to find out what she is.
~8:27pm
Starbuck is now walking into a Cylon Base Star. Is she going to talk to the Hybrid? Anders is now the Hybrid it seems. They hooked him up to the main power net. Starbuck says they tried to jump start him like a car and is angry at them. She dismsised the 8 who was keeping an eye on him and now is going to mope over his body. That’s love there folks. Always mope over your comatose lover.
She’s doing a lot of heavy breathing. She’s saying it’s funny, more breathing, how she remembers when, more breathing, she said that if she found out Anders was a Cylon she’d put a bullet in his head. She says she wants him back no matter what he is because he’s just Sam to her. He was her Sam. There was a little electrical sound. Or it’s something in the house. Anders grabbed her hand and stopped her from shooting. Now he’s babbling hybrid gobbledy gook. Resume function? That’s what Anders is repeating over and over again.
~8:30pm
Commercial
So the blue flames on the Galactica just started to shut off before the break. I’m guessing it’s bad when blue flames go out. Also, Anders told Kara that she was the Harbinger of Death again and that she would lead the Fleet to its end. I think that may be one of those good things. Like she leads to the Fleet to its end but it’s to make the Colony safe. I wonder if she goes down with the Galactica instead of the Old Man. And yes, I do call Adama “the Old Man” in my head, because my geekdom knows no bounds.
I wonder what I’m going to do for the season finale. No idea as of yet, but it feels like I should step up my coverage. Any suggestions? Feel free to leave a comment.
So, Kara goes down with the Fleet. Humans and Cylons restart on the Colonies. That makes the most sense, right? I don’t see any other way this could end, unless the humans and Cylons drive each other extinct which would just be so fucking epic I would never stop cumming. Can you even imagine? That would be awesome.
~8:33pm
Adama is reading a story about being a beat cop to Roslin. It’s about how a cop’s eyes always notice things. Roslin told Adama to open to page 61. I hope she proposes. It’ll be just like “A Walk to Remember.” Now Roslin is toking up on some Chamala. She’s asking Adama to remember the time they got high on New Caprica. Roslin says she’s thinking about a little lake with clear water. There’s a cabin there. Is Roslin projecting too?
~8:35pm
I love that Adama doesn’t give a fuck to the point that he’s going to get high on his broken space ship. Roslin wants to know what “home” is, whether it’s a place or a longing. Roslin is talking about how she was born on Caprica until that whole thing where the world ended. Roslin says she’s never felt truly at home until she spent the last few months with Bill. Jesus Lady, why don’t you try to jerk out a few more of my tears.
Roslin says that it’s okay Bill loves the Galactica more than he loves her, but that he needs to get off the ship before it falls apart. I’m going to refrain from making a joke about Mexicans fitting into cars as compared to the Galactica, because that woudl be wrong.
Baltar is running some tests on Starbuck’s medallion. It’s looking very sciencey.
~8:37pm
Power surges and such all over the ship, due to Anders looking into the ship. I guess Anders has been the person breaking the Galactica. Is he spinning up and making the Galactica better? Hahaha. Oh fuck yes, this is awesome! Saul wants Anders taken off-line but I’m guessing Anders won’t let it happen. Damn it. It happened. Cavil moved the colony five months ago? What? He moved a planet? What the fuck? Is it called the spaceship Earth?
Boomer is teaching Hera how to project. Boomer wants to know if Hera wants to see the special room where Boomer’s imaginary stalker daughter lived.
~8:39pm
Hera is jumping on the daughter’s bed. Boomer is looking depressed as fuck. There’s still a giant goddamn hole in the Galactica. Adama has a brown sash across his chest. Helo wants to know if he can walk with Adama. Helo wants to take out a raptor to go look for his daughter. Adama said he sent out a recon mission, but that it came back tits up. Helo wants to take out the raptor now. Yeah, Helo is the best man ever. Look at him? He could beat the fuck out of a Base Star right now.
Helo is pissed that Adama told him to “let it go.” Adama told Helo not to lecture him, because Helo has to take orders. Helo fucking apologized. Are they going to man hug? Helo is begging again. He doesn’t care if it’s suicide, he has to do something to save his kid. Adama just walked off.
~8:41pm
I wish Helo was my father.
There’s a big funeral for all the people who are dying. It’s a big montage of all the different ceremonies. It’s really showing the humans and the cylons coming together as one. I would crash this funeral for some hot six on six threesomes at the end of it. Baltar is looking weirdly at Caprica Six. Wouldn’t it be classic if the launch tubes didn’t fire? Like that’s how broken the Galactica was.
Baltar is talking about how death is not the end, because there is eternal life. In the middle of a big room. I would feel like such an asshole if I were him. Baltar says everyone needs to embrace death. Kara is looking pissed off. Baltar is very strongly implying that Starbuck came back to life. The blood on some dog tags came from necrotic flesh. He just outed Kara Thrace as a zombie. Well now he’s trying to call her an angel. Starbuck is just stalking off. Adama is screaming at Baltar to shut the fuck up. Baltar told Adama to ask Starbuck. Starbuck slapped Baltar. Adama dismissed everyone.
~8:44pm
Commercial
This reminds me of my grandfather’s military funeral. That fucking thing was over and done with in like ten minutes. They even had a uniformed guy come up and tell us not to linger.
Everyone was sitting there, getting their tears out. I was keeping it together. Bryan started crying, then this guy just fucking comes out of nowhere and starts going from person to person saying “I’m very sorry but we have another funeral here in ten minutes.” I could not believe it.
1. That they scheduled funerals that closely together
2. Some poor asshole had to go out and tell people WHO HAVE JUST LOST A LOVED ONE that they need to hurry their ass along and stop crying
I decided at that moment I loved the military. That’s just the sort of sociopathic monster policy I would enforce. Oh that would be an uncomfortable policy meeting.
“I figure we can cut these funeral downs to 20 minutes.”
“But sir… people need time to mourn.”
“Yeah, but they could do that anywhere right?”
“Well… technically yes… but…”
“Right, so we’re cutting down funerals to 20 minutes.”
It was the first time I had ever seen a place have the same policy as… ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING? ANOTHER PURE SLEEP COMMERCIAL?
~8:48pm
Starbuck is staring staright ahead at the wall of dead people, probably wondering why she isn’t dead. Lee wants to know what is going on. He says he doesn’t care that Starbuck saw her own dead body. He saw her Viper explode, and he doesn’t care. Lee is touching her face now. Ready to get kissy kissy I believe. Starbuck is smiling at him. Giving each other very adorable looks. Her dead Hybrid Cylon husband is going to be pissed. Hahaha. Starbuck is right in front of Daulla’s picture.
Starbuck added her own picture to the wall of the dead. I’m guessing she dies at the end of the season.
~8:49pm
The giant bird thing is apparently the Cylon Colony. It literally looks like an evil giant fucking bird. I wonder if it has Base Stars as babies. That’s how I woudl have done it. Boomer is carrying Hera to Cavil. Cavil wants to know if everything went smoothly. Cavil is telling Boomer that he’s going to take good care of Hera. Boomer is looking like she’s ready to flip flop and unkidnap Hera. Cavil says Hera will have all kinds of new playmates soon.
~8:51pm
Adma is staring at the glorified Cylon paint. He doesn’t like it so he’s taking off his Admiral pins. Now he’s staring at them in his hand. We’re got 9 minutes left here folks. I don’t know what could happen that would make this series any closer to ending. And what the fuck are they going to land on if the Cylon Colony is a giant fucking bird?
Adama is going nuts with a white paint brush. Very artistic. He’s crying now. He really does love the Galactica. If the Galactica had a vagina, Adama would put his penis inside of it and never pull out because he would be so turned on by the Galactica they could fuck forever.
~8:53pm
Starbuck says that the old her is gone, and that the old Anders is gone. She wants to know why she came back. She says there’s a pattern in the music that she can’t see. I think that they’re going to both die together. She plugged Anders back into the Base Ship. Atta girl. Anders is awaiting a command.
Adama looks like pounded hell. He brought Tigh into his bedroom. I love when Tigh is being racist against his own kind. Adama is going to stop repairs on the Galactica. He wants the crew to start stripping the ship down and prepare to offload the Civilians. He wants shit done by the end of the week. They’re abandoning ship.
Tigh says “NO YOU CAN’T DO THIS!”
~8:55pm
Tigh says he won’t let Adama “do this.” Adama says he can’t blame Tigh for being what he is, including being the finest friend and officer he’s ever had. Adama says they’re going to send the Galactica off in style. Tigh has accepted the Galactica is dead, even though she was a grand old lady. They’re playing the Celtic Music of Sadness to memorialize the Galactica as they drink and stare off into space as they relax on their space couch. I hope they try to sell the Admiral’s Space couch on Craig’s List.
End of Show.
Wow, how the fuck are they going to end this show?
~8:57pm
So the Cylon Colony is a giant bird ship that has a bird head and a vagina. It’s not a planet, although it’s quite huge and an amazing feat of Bio-Engineering. That rules out the planet ending. Unless they find another planet at the last minute. Some shit is definitely going down with Kara and Anders. They’re both dead by the end of the show, no doubt about it in my mind. I think Kara was prepared for it when she put her picture on the wall.
Also, why can I never remember if it’s Ellen or Helen? It makes my mind cross a wire or something.
Previews for Next Week
Six says the end times are approaching in voice over. The announcer says a journey is coming to its end. Adama says no one should feel obligated to join his last mission, which is likely to be a one way trip. I have no fucking idea how this show is going to end now. The Fleet is going one way and the Galactica is going another. Wouldn’t it be a complete mind fuck is the Galactica survived and everyone on the Fleet died?
